A few weeks back I posted about knowing when to let go of a relationship.
I questioned myself about the best course of action. I know I have given this relationship my all. In fact, I’ve given this relationship too many tears, a ton of abandoned joy and I’ve even let it dictate many moments of my life. For the better part of 30+ years – which by any account is too long.
What I didn’t count on is that I would mourn the loss of this relationship. I do realize I am mourning the fantasy that this person will get real, deal with their problems and make amends allowing us to have a fantastically wonderful relationship complete with mani/pedi shopping dates. I do not foresee this happening. It would be nice – and since I do like to dwell in an “anything is possible” world I know it might happen. I’m also a rational woman who knows while possible, this is highly improbable. None of this means I am able to stop mourning and move through the stages of grief quickly. It just means this realization is a signpost that better days are coming.
These evens have put me on a crash course to evaluating all of my relationships.
Life is busy. Somehow in a time when we have 24 hour access to technology designed to help us simplify life seems busier than ever. Being as fortunate as I am means you have access to this technology and people happy to connect to you via said technology. I have friends to talk to (in person, on the phone – voice or text) a sibling to rely on and a husband who holds me through the good times and the upsets.
So, I find myself asking why am I holding on to the people who don’t call back. Why am I holding onto the people who are always too busy to answer the text? Return the call? Listen to me when I speak?
Plus, removing myself from those situations will offer more time for the people who do call and call back. I can be present with them, laugh more and share the silences. Which they (and I) deserve. I will have more time for the people who do support my new business venture – by consistently sharing social media messages, by giving honest feedback when I say “Hey, can I bounce an idea off you…” allowing me to be a better friend in return.
Must it be a removal? Perhaps a recalibration. A tacit understanding that friendship is a two-way road that has some curves and right now I will allow myself to dwell on the shoulder with people who choose to be there. The friends willing to help me mourn, regroup and revive my soul.
Yes, recalibration. This feels right.
For the record, I AM NOT talking about my marriage. I appreciate the concerned inquiries from the last post – but – Prince Charming and I are still blissfully happy.