I did some coaching over the weekend when an S.O.S. text lead to an S.O.S. phone call.
It was an amazing lesson. First, it allowed me to actually help people I love. I didn’t solve their problems but I helped them identify some root causes and got them on a path to good, productive conversation and planning. It was hard not to jump in and commiserate but I kept reminding myself we’d had those types of conversations – and they never seemed to help long term.
There is a tremendous value in venting and getting stress off your chest, but to affect lasting change you need to fully release and move forward. I hung up the phone hopeful I had been a genuine resource for releasing very deep hurt and begining to heal.
The lesson for this rookie coach? I had been caring, but not involved. I had helped both parties to open up to seeing the other person’s point of view. I felt a shift in energy and there was a ray of hope where only the deepest darkness and despair was an hour earlier. I felt confident they had all the tools they needed to begin their work and I bowed out with no need to take the rest of the day to ‘de-stress’ from making their problems my own. Later when I got a text telling me they were, in fact, in a much better place I was extremely glad I’d gone with a radical approach of adopting a coaching mindset seven hours earlier.
The big bonus: my family didn’t suffer by ‘losing’ me as I wallowed in someone else’s probelms. I was present in my time with them and we had a great afternoon in the sunshine. A true win-win for everyone we encountered.